Mixed Emotions in the New Year.
I’m sitting here on New Year’s Day on a (finally) snowy morning in Colorado. About 6 miles from where the Boulder County fires were just two days ago.
I thought things would be relatively smooth this New Year. Granted, Omicron and COVID-19 are the (debate-provoking and life-threatening) gifts that keep on giving, but at least my family, close friends, and colleagues are relatively healthy. Until a few days ago, we were in some sort of (temporary) feasible rhythm and able to avoid (most) debates about vaccines, masks, and remote vs. in-person work and school.
Ugh. That damn fire in Boulder County on Thursday. My emotions are heavy and sad this weekend. But there are also stories of a village coming together to support others and a seemingly miraculous absence of deaths.* Injured pets amazingly have been found. A friend’s guinea pig was rescued from a freezing home in an evacuation area and their child is beyond relieved. (*Evolving updates from officials tell us that there are some missing people who are assumed dead.)
It can be really, really hard to focus in today’s world. I envy people I know who have that superpower of uber-compartmentalization and an uncanny ability to seemingly shut everything out. But then again, I don’t. Being human is about connecting and caring. Those same people often get too focused – to the point that they come across as uncaring, unfeeling, isolated, and unrealistically judgmental. (Note to self: Well, THAT comment is worth a call to an EAP hotline. How do you REALLY feel?)
Which one are you? Are you a hard-core tough-it-out compartmentalizer? Or an I-gotta-cry-and-give-hugs kind of person? Or are you both? Where are you on that spectrum? Has that changed?
Social media is a mixed bag in today’s world. On the one hand, it’s a way to connect with people, near and far. A lifeline in (COVID-imposed) barriers and isolation. (Barriers that are both real & perceived.)
On the other hand, social media can lead to addictive doom scrolling. Neuroscience and addiction experts can tell us why it is addictive. (Editorial aside: Thanks, Mark Z. You’ve done some good, but I think you’ve lost your bearings. Get a grip, dude. Meta….UGH!) One more horrible, gut-wrenching story about someone’s cats and dogs who were stuck in a house that was demolished, and I’m a blubbering mess. (Not really, but the urge to dissolve tears is there.)
I spoke to a friend yesterday who was involved in a heroic evacuation on December 30. Yes, I know that “heroic” is a subjective term and one person’s hero is someone else’s “Really? What about the heroes in (insert current warzone & genocide)?” The bottom line is that they were part of something bigger where people came together despite how they felt about masks, vaccines, and Biden & Trump, then LITERALLY got HUNDREDS of people out of harm’s way. They. Got. Stuff. Done.
Here’s what I know:
I am human. We all are human. Your workforce is human. Not one of us knows what the other is truly experiencing.
Sometimes, we just need to get a grip and carry on. Stiff upper lip and all that Queen Elizabeth put-on-your-lipstick-and-stand-up-straight stuff.
Sometimes, people need to just let it all out and be a hot mess. But being a hot mess can only last so long. The need to be the mature adult in the room, on the block, in the meeting, or on social media takes over.
And what happens when the need to be the responsible & functioning employee, leader, parent, spouse, neighbor, coworker, and caregiver are in conflict? People can only take so much until something starts to give.
Is this where being part of a village comes in? Maybe being the functioning adult, leader, coworker, and neighbor “in the room” is not YOUR calling today? (Note to self: What does Brene Brown have to say about this?) Maybe, like a formation of flying geese, it’s your time to step back and let another functioning adult take over the lead for a while? (If you don’t know why I mention geese, search “Teamwork Migrating Geese.” You’re welcome.)
Why am I writing this?
1: Selfishness and self-benefit. It’s therapeutic to put it out there. And every year I commit to publishing more writing. I started three New Years-type blogs in December that I had almost finished. Let’s be honest…we do things because they benefit us. (Friends fans…That one about Phoebe and Joey and altruism.)
2: I want to be transparent, authentic, and raw because there are people out there who are struggling. Some are having a “hot mess moment,” and we’ve got to give them some grace. Or maybe they really do need to “Suck it up, Buttercup” and start adulting. Some are at the other end of the spectrum, being jerks and cold, judgmental stiff-upper-lip-we’ve-got-a-job-to-do kind of folks. Not the type we’re happy to have in charge, but the kind that we resent because they seem uncaring and unempathetic. (Here’s a thought: Maybe that’s how they keep themselves from NOT being a hot mess!)
I am writing this because I want people to recognize and accept that people are in different places and stress manifests differently. Leaders have to grasp how they treat people and embrace some semblance of self-awareness, empathy, and compassion.
I am writing this because I KNOW others feel this way. We have to normalize open discussion of the mental health roller coaster we’re on right now.
I am writing this because putting it out there in the world forces me to be accountable myself. When we say it out loud, people can call us on it, and we can call ourselves on it.
I am writing this because if one person, leader, or coworker reads this and feels validated, their day/week/month is better. Or, maybe someone says, “Self, you need to be a better human today,” and makes a change.
That is all. My New Year’s Day 2022 first blog o’ the year is done.
Check.
Liz Wilson is a certified coach, recovering HR professional, consultant, thought-partner, recruiter, mom, spouse, neighbor, colleague, leader, client, customer, and human living near Boulder & Denver, Colorado. She’s worked in global corporations, mid-sized companies, nonprofits, and small businesses in several industries and parts of the US. What the organizations share is that they are staffed and run by humans. Even the ones who are embracing A/I technology. Set up a complimentary call with her at support@wilsonfoxen.com.